You Are Not At Home

OK, You are NOT at home

So clearly the flying public has gotten very comfortable with air transportation and when some folks board a flight they tend to feel like this IS their home for the next few hours. We love that. We want people to feel welcome and relaxed. It is a public form of transportation, though, and there should be boundaries that allow everyone some comfort and relaxation. I’m not going to single anyone out here, you will know who you are, but here are a few professional tips on how to share the space better.

Eating:

A primary source of entertainment on board is eating. Since most airlines don’t serve food any more, we opt to bring our own. The very best food? Something you really love from home. Fresh food that is exactly what you love. Not everyone has the time or the inclination to go that route so the most common solution is to grab something in the airport. It’s a no-brainer to grab a burger or slice of pizza. Please use your brain. Consider what that is going to smell like in a confined space. Picture sitting next to a burger and fries with a migraine headache. Sure, it’s not your problem, but that’s not really the point. We are all in it together. Some day it will be your problem. Pick something less aromatic. There are lots of sandwiches made daily available, salads, smoothies and such. Try to veer away from the hot, heavily spiced choices. You have the right to truly enjoy what you are eating right up to the point it affronts everyone around you. It’s one flight. Take one for the team.

Processing:

Not too long after eating comes the bathroom break. Our favorite “It’s about me and too bad, you can just wait” move is in the morning when Joe businessman heads up to the lav with the Wall Street Journal neatly folded and tucked under his arm. Dude. This isn’t your en-suite. Tic toc tic toc. And then the bomb hits you. Which brings me to the next piece of Jetiquette advice:  The Courtesy Flush. No matter what your Mother told you about wasting water, it is ok and even advised to evacuate all solids ASAP! Then finish reading about hog futures or whatever. The final effort after the final flush is to wash your hands thoroughly. Not only good hygiene but it fills the room with the scent of soap. Pause during washing and hold your soapy hands up to the air vent to disperse the soap smell around the room. Finally, wipe down the sink. NOW, you will leave a bathroom ready for the next guest.

Newspaper Jetiquette:

There’s nothing like a good lazy read of the Sunday paper at home where you just toss it all around while lounging in your jammies. Eventually you clean it up though. Don’t you???? Please don’t leave the paper spread across 2 rows like you have purchased a plane ticket and a personal housekeeper and a mother for the price of your ticket. Your seatmates may not enjoy the sports section at their feet either.

Entertainment:

Hours in one place is a great time to download some bingeworthy entertainment and catch up. Please be mindful that these are close quarters and everyone is curious about what everyone else is doing. Crew walking up and down the aisle looking for service items to pick up are always looking around. Nobody wants to catch a glimpse of your fave soft porn. Really. It’s shared space, save that for home.

Luggage:

Ok, sad truth. You purchased a seat and the space under the seat in front of you. You personally do not own any of the overhead space. Just let go of fighting over it. Also let go of reclined seats. Yes, they are too close together. Yes, it is a crime, but as long as they have a recline function, we cannot tell someone not to use it. My suggestion is never to get in a big fight. That’s just Neanderthal. You might consider pointing your air vent straight forward onto the offending passenger, though and making that person just as uncomfortable…

Shared Space:

Its popular to blame the air on jets for getting sick every time you fly. Truth is, those HEPA filters they have invested in and the fresh air recirculation (yes really!) makes the air better than that in a movie theater. The problem is the multitude of shared surfaces in a small area that everyone touches. If it was the air, no crew member could do more than 2 trips in a row. The surfaces are like spending 2-10 hours in your child’s kindergarten class, though. Think petri dish.

Your crew is mindful of this and is discreetly obsessive about self-protection. We always have hand sanitizer in our pockets. Once we leave a clean zone we never touch any bodily openings. Eyes, nose, mouth and even ears. Nothing that could be a portal to the inside. We don’t get to the back of the plane and in a fit of hunger rip open a bag of peanuts and pour some in our hand and start chomping. You will see us pour them into the second cup from the stack and then pour them into our mouth without touching the cup. It’s a skill.

If you ever sit next to a flight attendant who is a  passenger on a plane you’ll know it. After meticulously storing a copious quantity of items in crannies you never thought of so all necessities will be in reach during the flight, out comes the sanitizing wipes. Every surface the last guest might have touched is wiped down. By this I mean:

• The arm rests
• The tray table and latch for the table
• The edge of the seat pocket
• The entertainment monitor and controls
• The remote
• The seatbelt and buckle
• The sides of the seat
• The overhead control panel
• The air vent (allowing clean air to blow out)
• Quick wipe over the seat itself

Now your area is yours. Who cares if you look neurotic? Then just set your wipes and bottle of hand sanitizer out on your tray and prepare to enjoy your flight. If you leave your area, try to touch as little as possible. You really don’t have to grab every seat back on the way to the lav (your fellow fliers will thank you) and you don’t have to lean on things to wait. Wash and wipe down after the lav, but then come back and sanitize. This will cut down on your flight related illnesses.

Free tip on hotels:

While we are talking shared space and staying healthy, you might consider taking a few minutes to make your hotel room your own upon arrival just like your neurotic flight crew does. I thought maybe I was a little over the top, but when the stories started flying at debriefings about check-in routines, I was somewhere in the middle on OCD behavior. It works for me though, so here are some tips from the professionals on what to do when you check in to stay healthy in a hotel.

Grab your sanitizing wipes and start at one end of the hotel room and work to the other. Wipe down any surface you look at that you might touch. Obvious offenders always include:

• Handle on sliding door
• Knobs on lights and light switches
• Tables, Desks
• Phones (call room service?)
• Room service menu
• Pens
• Remote
• TV (turn it to change position)
• Clock
• Nightstands
• Door handles (bathroom, exterior door, closet)
• Toilet and sink handles
• Coffee maker
• Refrigerator/Microwave handles
• Mugs/wine glasses (rinse)
• Don’t use the first tissue that is folded pretty. Nobody washed their hands before they folded that tissue after they cleaned the toilet…

Of course for security sake you always check under the bed, behind the curtains and step out in the hall and count the doors to the nearest exit and note which way you turn to reach it. Then place your key in the same spot every time so you can grab it in a panic out of a sound sleep with the building on fire during an earthquake.

Are you getting the picture why even though we can fly for free, flight attendants still can have a hard time finding travel partners?

It’s a process.