For years, and no I will not tell you how many, friends have told me to put some of my stories from my career into a book. “This HAS to be shared!!” Well, now that I have moved from Boeing and Gulfstream to Airstream, I feel like it is safe to tell a few. I mean what are they going to do? Fire me? So for those of you who wonder what it’s like on the inside, let me share a little. I apologize, I started flying with the dinosaurs and we didn’t catch pictures of everything, and even later it was all just normal so I didn’t go around grabbing pics of everything, but I’ll do my best to tell you where those places are that we disappear to and how we entertain ourselves.
Everyone seems to want an inside look at that strange life of a flight attendant. Well, nothing like a world pandemic to slow down enough to do just that. I flew for over 40 years as both a commercial flight attendant for a major US air carrier and as a corporate flight attendant on private jets. All of this was just normal to me but I’ve been told it was in no way normal, so sit back and relax and enjoy the ride.
IT STARTS
A lot of little girls wanted to be flight attendants when they were young. I am reminded of this all of the time when I tell people what I do. I was just more intent on follow-through, so senior year in college when my roommate and I decided to take a study break and apply to all of the airlines to fly, that seemed normal. She got hired by one major carrier and I got hired by another.
We were thrilled. My parents were devastated. I believe the reaction was something like: “We paid for you to go to a top university to major in business and graduate with honors in 4 years so you could become a WHAT?”
To their credit, they came to my graduation and supported my decision.
So off to 5 weeks of initial flight attendant training. Reality reared its ugly head. This was a lot more like the army with lipstick. We’re talking back in 1979, rules were different and there were rules right down to how you were dressed and how much you weighed. Weekly weigh-ins. Shared rooms in the dorms. A lot of throwing up. A lot of “warnings.” A lot of people disappearing during lunch…
And then the shit got real. The safety drills. We had to think about and practice emergencies nobody ever wants to think about much less practice living through. We had to do it, then do it again until we could react properly without hesitation and without thinking. We had to sit through the simulations in mock-ups with our class until everyone could do it right. Crash after crash. Ditching after ditching. Fire upon fire. CPR until the cadence gave you a headache. More throwing up.
Of course we would gather in the evenings to study because we were tested daily and you had to pass with a 90% or go home. We had our share of fun and bonded as a band of brothers and sisters stronger than any sorority or fraternity that lasted across the miles and through the years.
Almost as an afterthought, we learned the skills we thought we were there to learn for the job we thought we applied for. We learned how to serve champagne and carve roasts in the aisle (1979 remember) and graciously carry vomit in a bag. And there’s a knack! The first bag you receive, you make a beeline to the back to throw it out. Wrong. You learn to carry it graciously and discreetly for two reasons. The first concerns you (most important) and trust me you do NOT want the unpleasant experience of feeling the contents of that bag moving around as you jog to the back of the plane. The second concern is your guests. You want to carry it discreetly because just the sight of a used bag will set others off. Now you have a chain reaction to deal with. Avoid a chain reaction at all costs. So much of a flight attendant’s job is effective crowd control and this is one of those situations.
Finally, after 5 long weeks of training was deemed complete, we were released out upon an unsuspecting flying public and none of us would ever be the same. Another flying career had begun!
THE EARLY YEARS
Full disclosure: The early years in the late 70s, early 80s could not be replicated now. The rules have changed. Some things we did will seem so far- fetched and improbable that they will sound like fiction. It was a different time and a different mind-set. We didn’t have the scrutiny, media, cell phone video, social media and angst of the flying public that we do now. It was great! And nobody died from it either.
With that out of the way, I can tell you we had a lot of fun when we were getting started. I didn’t know any different, I followed the rules of the sky. I quickly learned to listen and watch and learn how things were done out in the real world of flying. It bore little semblance to training, thank goodness.
Initially I was based in Chicago and we had a lot of winter runs to Florida for those escape vacations. We served steak in coach and free Mimosas and it was a huge hit. After landing in Florida, we would often turn and fly the plane up to New York with a more demanding crowd. To prepare, we would enjoy Mimosas ourselves while setting up the aircraft so we would be in the right frame of mind to enjoy our more challenging guests. Everyone was happy. It just seemed like SOP to me. Everything made sense and folks would rave about our customer service.
At the beginning of a flight attendant career you are on reserve (on call) for varying lengths of time. I was lucky, I was in the last few classes to get through with just one year before it hit the fan and now it follows you in some form for 20-30 years often.
When on reserve, the company owns you. You do not own your life in any way.
There are only rules about how long you can have undisturbed (9 hours?) and back when I started, no cell phone but a beeper.
When called you had to be in a position to be at the airport on the plane within 2 hours. That means you lived with your bag packed, just waiting to throw in last minute seasonal clothing and food. Sounds so exciting right?
In 2 hours you are going to Washington, to Rome, to Shreveport or Detroit. You do not get to say “but I was…,” ever. You might be gone 2 days or 4 days or? While you are out they might re-route you from that Bermuda trip to Canada. Oooops, wrong clothes. Sometimes they sent you somewhere else as an “extra” on another flight that is really full and needed extra help. That 3 hours you had to sit and eat and relax in San Francisco was gone. That’s why you pack food. Not to mention all of the food looks and tastes the same after a while, and who can afford that anyway? You got to some hotel at the end of the day alone and you are so tired you go straight to your room and use the coffeemaker to make boiled water and gratefully eat Ramen and some peanuts left in your pocket from the plane. The real reason TSA rarely checks flight crew bags is that they are tired of seeing food. Most of any crewmembers’ supplies are favorite goodies to eat on a trip.
Other days you get called and get on with a great crew and you do the whole trip with them. You work long days with them and you learn about the custom of enjoying a last leg cocktail or “LLC” and it’s all worth it. A “LLC” is when you put something great in your coffee and start to wind down for the layover during the last leg of the day. Clearly that was before random drug and alcohol testing. They invite you to join in, and you learn how the adults do layovers. Everybody laughs, vents and returns to normal before the new day. All is good in the world. You eat a good meal, maybe walk on a beautiful beach or in a park and you remember why you are there.
The first year is all learning. Some good, some not so good, but it’s a wild ride and you just hang on.
Whitefish Dog and Home 